I can’t help but look back when the calendar turns to a brand new year! 2018 is here and full of hope and promise and unknowns, just as 2017 was one year ago. When I look back over 2017 I can easily remember the events of the year by glancing at a calendar. The important family celebrations, the sunny vacation spots and the dentist appointments. I remember professional engagements and accomplishments by looking back at my calendar as well. The events of 2017 are easy to re-cap however, I have to spend a little more time remembering the lessons of the year. None of which came without growing pains and some fear.  Isn’t that how we change? I’m not sure how many books I read this year or how many journals I filled up but I know that because of the personal work I’ve done, I’m walking into 2018 a different person than the young lady that walked into 2017.

When I think about the past year and the lessons I’ve learned, I am amazed at how the layers of growth unfolded in my life.  Each new idea or concept came to me one layer, one lesson at a time, building on the one before that.  I have no doubt that I’ve been divinely moved through this last year learning what I needed to know one step at a time. I did want to write about one of the greatest lessons of 2017 though.

Each year when I choose my word for the year, I follow that up with books on the subject a piece of jewelry or two and a set list of music reminding me of the word and encouraging me along the way.  2017 I chose the word AWAKEN. This came after of a year of major growth for me and was truly the next step in my healing. As a result of my growth in 2016, I was AWAKENED to so much more and with that came “The Book of Awakening” by Mark Nepo. It’s a beautiful little devotional that I added to my basket of books for my daily quiet time.  In this book was one of the most beautiful lessons I’ve ever read.  I thought I’d share it in it’s entirety here. It was on January 25th 2017 that I read this devotional and it changed the way I lived for the rest of the year.

“Loving Yourself
In loving ourselves, we love the world. For just as fire, rock, and water are all made up of molecules, everything, including you and me, is connected by a small piece of the beginning.
Yet, how do we love ourselves? It is as difficult at times as seeing the back of your head. It can be as elusive as it is necessary. I have tried and tripped many times. And I can only say that loving yourself is like feeding a clear bird that no one else can see. You must be still and offer your palmful of secrets like delicate seed. As she eats your secrets, no longer secret, she glows and you lighten, and her voice, which only you can hear, is your voice bereft of plans. And the light through her body will bathe you till you wonder why the gems in your palm were ever fisted. Others will think you crazed to wait on something no one sees. But the clear bird only wants to feed and fly and sing. She only wants light in her belly. And once in a great while, if someone loves you enough, they might see her rise from the nest beneath your fear.

In this way, I’ve learned that loving yourself requires a courage unlike any other. It requires us to believe in and stay loyal to something no one else can see that keeps us in the world – our own self-worth.
All the great moments of conception – the birth of mountains, of trees, of fish, of prophets, and the truth of relationships that last – all begin where no one can see, and it is our job not to extinguish what is so beautifully begun. For once full of light, everything is safely on its way – not pain-free, but unencumbered – and the air beneath your wings is the same air that trills in my throat, and the empty benches in snow are as much a part of us as the empty figures who slouch on them in spring.
When we believe in what no one else can see, we find we are each other. And all moments of living, no matter how difficult, come back into some central point where self and world are one, where light pours in and out at once. And once there, I realize – make real before me – that this moment, whatever it might be, is a fine moment to live and a fine moment to die.”

Learning to love myself well has been one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned. Because of my childhood background with abandonment and rejection, I was always looking outside of myself to get my needs met. (very typical for a girl with my background) That is a road you can stay on for a life time and never be satisfied with where it takes you. No one, outside of God, should be required to meet our deepest needs. I learned that He is who I turn to first and then I go to a place I hadn’t understood before…myself. Loving myself, “feeding a clear bird that no one else can see” has been a life changing practice for me this past year.

I’ve done quite a bit of healing from my childhood wounds and learned a ton about inner bonding…loving myself. It’s pretty amazing when you realize you have everything you need right inside of you. I thank God for leading me to the people and the authors that have taught me so much this last year. I can only imagine what 2018 will look like. (my word for the year of 2018 coming to my next blog!)

So I hope you will reflect on loving yourself in 2018 and what that might look like.  I often ask myself, what do I need to feel loved?.. and then I do that for myself. The amazing thing about learning to love yourself, is that those special people in your life that love you, are somehow more free to love you like they never have before.  I don’t know if it’s a release that they feel or just a comfort knowing that they aren’t going to held responsible for being your savior. It’s a beautiful thing and I’m sure a lesson I will always look back on when I reminder 2017 and my word for the year…AWAKEN.

Feed the bird,

Love, Letha ( and notice my new little logo is a heart and a bird)