I changed my cover photo today from AWAKEN which was my word in 2017 to DETACH, my word for 2018. I wanted to soften the look of my cover page a bit though. A big bold DETACH doesn’t feel very good to anyone…so I added the words that drive me to practice detachment every day…”the art of love.”

I was thinking about detachment and love and how they play out in my relationships. Love means different things for different people in my life, but detachment spells love in every one of them.

For my husband detachment means loving him just like he is. It means not only “allowing” him to be him, but embracing who he is without judgment or control. It’s smiling when he stands and picks meat off the chicken bones the minute he walks in the house from work. It’s supporting him by freezing leftovers because he fixed food for 30 when 2 were coming for dinner. Detachment is listening sincerely to his stories and the choices he makes in his work knowing that I might make different decisions.  It’s offering advise when he asks, period. Detachment with my husband is not being dependent on him for my good feelings. Detachment in my marriage is unconditional love.

For my adult son detachment means letting go. The greatest display of love a mother shows is allowing her children to spread their own wings and fly. Having only one child has allowed me the opportunity to get it right or fail one time. I’ve done both. Detachment with my son means, when he’s anxious, I pray instead of fix. When he has issues with Dad, I stay out of it, instead of triangulate. It’s realizing that walking beside him and offering an opinion when asked  is not the same as taking his “work” away from him. We all have specific assignments in this life. Detachment insures that I won’t prevent the growth in my son that he is here to achieve. It’s painful for me to think that my attachment to him could keep him from being all he was intended to be. The mother/son detachment practice is harder than it sounds…but possibly the most important one of all.

For my friends and extended family detachment means not being dependent on them to meet my needs. The thrill of living our lives in concert with others is amazing, but we must have the freedom to fulfill our part of the journey alone. It’s like we are all puzzle pieces…and every piece needs to fill the space of the beautiful completed picture. Detachment with family and friends means I love them for who they are and embrace our differences. It’s remembering that I should walk a long side those I love without getting into their business. Detachment is loving them right where they are at without expectations. And maybe most important, detachment means I go to God first with my worries and concerns instead of calling on one of them to seek the answers and peace I’m looking for.

I’ve been practicing detachment seriously for the last year or so. I am so excited about the progress I’m making although I’ve got a long way to go. I want to love people well, and I know that detachment is the answer.  Who knew that allowing God to be God and letting go of outcomes would be the answer to finding true love?

To true love…and detachment,

Letha